Mini-Musing 02/24/21 ~ I’m Tired

I’m also glad 2020 is over.

I laughed earlier today until I had to go to a doctor’s appointment to get set up for my radiation treatments. Before, I hadn’t for several days. I am angry and tired. I need an outlet. I know I shouldn’t say certain things online, but I must get these off my chest. That’s a poor analogy. Is that the right word?

I must say, the staff is excellent and very professional, but the procedure itself is painful. And it’s for seven weeks. Hell, I’m still sore right now. And I’m tired. I know I’m fortunate, I’ve had all this time off and I’m going to be all right. I was thinking about this all during the procedure, and now I’ve completely forgotten how I wanted to write this. Isn’t that effed up?


I’m also tired of rejection. Tired of seeing the same reasons — “Your voice is too soft.” “I didn’t fall in love with your voice.” “I didn’t prefer your voice.” I still don’t know what that means. I’m tired of waiting. I’ve been waiting since I was fourteen. So many writers so much younger than me (I?) are being published multiple times, it seems. I want to see my name on Publisher’s Weekly and then my work on the shelves at Barnes and Noble. I want my works to be Netflix original series. I want to write sequels. Sometimes it’s all so frustrating. Sometimes I just want to say to hell with it. I am a talented writer!

Wow, I feel better. I think I’ll get some ice cream and stream some video games.



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